I find national holidays and birthdays to be the most stressful time of year. I know I'm not alone in this, but my stress doesn't come from battling frantic shoppers on the high street, nor panicking about what to buy that cousin you don't-really-like-but-should-probably-buy-something-for-anyway. I didn't want to post this while people were feeling fiercely festive, as I feel people would look at their mince pies and hot cider and feel terribly sorry for me. I'm certainly not trying to rally up sympathy.
I was brought up at a Jehovah's Witness. I never used to celebrate Christmas, or Birthdays or Easter and certainly not Halloween, and so to me, it's a complete baffling minefield.
Why do people get so obsessive over such an expensive and extravagant holiday? What is eggnog anyway? Why is Santa so fat, and why aren't kids afraid of sitting on some strange man's knee?! Who or what is a Grinch!? Oh god, I give up!
As perhaps you can gather, I'm no longer a Jehovah's Witness and I stopped attending meetings when I was around 18 years old. (The reasons behind that are another story altogether and I'll happily answer any questions in a follow up post should you chose to ask them.) But this all means that I've been thrown into the world of holidays and celebrations and have no idea whatsoever what's going on.
I do get excited about Christmas time, as it's a beautiful time of year what with all the sparkly lights in town, everyone is somehow a bit happier and I get days off work. Win-win-win. I have no family traditions to bring with me, and unless I get invited out with friends, I still spend Christmas Day as though it's a regular Tuesday.
This year for example, I spent the day getting covered in paint as I decorated my new flat. Because of this complete lack of practice, or familiarity with the season, I get pretty stressed about who I'm supposed to be buying gifts for, and whether there's an unspoken price threshold according to whether you're close friends, family, colleagues etc. Do I have to send Christmas cards to people?
The one year I did spend the holiday with my Dad's side of the family, who were never Jehovah's Witnesses btw, I felt kinda lost, and bemused at how Christmas just seems to be an indoor picnic with a shiny tree in the corner and a Santa hat on the dog. Can't we do this any time of the year?! Why don't familys do this whole reunion thing more often if they love Christmas so much? Or does everyone secretly hate it, and just pretend so that they get more free stuff come Christmas morning?
I feel as though I'm slowly getting a grip on Christmas, and am really looking forward to being able to decorate my own place and do things my own way next year, whichever way that may be.
I will never get over how selfish this whole holiday seems though. I'm astounded when I hear people complain about not being given enough or having enough spent on them. I think it's cringe-worthyily cheeky when people demand things for Christmas and then expect to get them! I'm not saying that being brought up without any Holiday's where I was allowed to just ask for things I wanted has made me a less selfish or better person. But seriously guys, isn't Christmas a time to be THANKFUL for what you ALREADY HAVE? Am I missing the point here somewhere?
The other main thing I really don't understand are Birthdays. I never really paid attention to them in school, and I can't remember ever attending one that wasn't in the form of a pub crawl, and let's be honest, we'll have one of those just because it's Saturday. Are you supposed to throw your own party, or hope someone throws one for you? Is it sad to just invite people out for a meal, and isn't it awkward to just expect people to come out and want to celebrate YOUR birthday? How to you let people know it's going to be your birthday? Facebook is only so helpful, and all I can see are awkward, random exclamations of "It's my Birthday on the 18th" to work colleagues who will then think you're a little bit odd.
Personally, as much fun as Birthday's and Christmas can be - I'm looking forward to Easter where it's not a complete faux-pas to pretend it didn't happen, or you can just offer around a bag of mini-eggs and be done with it. Phew.
What did you enjoy most about your Christmas? Do you have any traditions that you've picked up? I'd seriously love to know!
For me anything I do at Christmas is purely because I want to. I only write Christmas cards when I want to let people know I'm grateful to have them in my life. It's so awkward for me to write someone a card and then being unable to articulate anything beyond 'Merry Christmas' so then I usually refrain.
ReplyDeleteFor me the holidays is about spending extra time with the family and food, lots of good food :)
I can see how Christmas can be an overwhelming occasion that can steamroll you if you aren't used to it.
ReplyDeleteI love the season for multiple reasons and the main reason is family, friends, and the general good feeling that is in abundance. I usually only get presents for people that I am very close to and if I am feeling wild I might bake something and take to work. A golden rule for the holidays is that DESSERT is a legit gift!! Isn't that rad? You can bake your heart out and everyone will love you for it. ;)
Hey Amber! I know what you mean. Christmas can be awkward, especially because so many religious (Christian) ideas are wrapped around it. And outside of the religious context, all the consumerism that surrounds Christmas can be overwhelming. While I do enjoy giving gifts to my family and friends, I keep trying to find ways that doesn't involve BUYING things. When it comes down to it, it really is just an occasion to spend time with your family and friends and eat good food around bright flashing lights.
ReplyDeleteI find the mish-mash of consumerism and religion SO confusing and overwhelming. I guess there's just so much hype around Christmas and for it to be 'magical' that I get to Christmas day, and feel a little like 'is this it?!' despite being grateful for any gifts I get given. xo
DeleteAmber, LOVE this post. I grew up with my dads side, that family being all Mormon, and my moms side (Whom i only do Christmas with now) are just a small normal family. 3 cousins, two aunts and a grandpa and his wife, so its a pretty small get together.
ReplyDeleteI feel like getting together is a chore almost, and your right about the gift part. I like getting them, but there isn't really any meaning to them, and it feels so fake. My mom is a great gift giver and she puts a lot of thought into every persons gift, so that part of Christmas is my favorite because its not something extravagant, its something personal and sometimes just symbols, which makes that only part of Christmas fun for me. All the other parts of Christmas, well.... they mostly have become weirder and weirder over the last couple years. My Grandpas Wife, she drinks too much. Last year she fell down on the floor twice. She just popped down like her legs gave out. This year, well it was insults. So sadly enough i have only been a Grinch about things. It's really hard looking at the good points of Christmas, when you and your family don't really make it work. It's almost as its a chore because in our culture everybody goes back to family for a day, its almost a reminder that family can be so important and to not forget the good times. But Christmas as i see it is a very selfish holiday. To much shopping, shopping, shopping. People get to stressed out, and by this year i found out that i did also, and i never want to again, its not healthy, but its basically expected.
Thank you, Brieanna! You probably know exactly how I feel then! It's so nice that your mum put so much thought into her gifts! The little personal ones are always better than the extravagant but meaningless ones, no matter the occasion. :)
ReplyDeleteI certainly know what you mean about family Christmases. I think my boyfriend and I will just stay at ours for Christmas this year, and maybe visit family on or after boxing day. Fingers crossed for a stress-free Christmas next year! xo
I really enjoyed this post, one of my friends at high school was a Jehovah's Witness and he had the same confusion over Christmas and birthdays. I do get a bit sad every year at the amount of people that seem to miss the point of Christmas - I guess I do too in a way as I'm not religious - but for me its a time to spend quality time with my family, enjoying good food & playing board games. I don't have a huge family so we tend to visit my nan in the morning and then just stay home.
ReplyDeleteWe all try to be as thoughtful as possible with our gifts, I'm not a huge fan of Christmas lists - I always try to keep a little note of things people have mentioned or things that mean a lot to them and go from there. I don't really see the appeal of just going to a store and buying something just to check it off a list.
Sorry for such an essay! Hope you have a great New Year!
This is so interesting. To be completely honest I'd never particularly thought about what Christmas would be like for someone who didn't celebrate it! Christmas truly is one of my very favourite times, but I put that solely down to how lucky I am to have a wonderful family and the financial means. I really try not to take how lucky I am for granted. I hope that as each year goes by you get to grips with it and start to enjoy it a little more, but I think where you're coming from is quite a healthy and selfless point. And that can only be a good thing. People like me, who dive into Christmas every year with barely a thought could probably do with reading things like this more often!
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